Fondest Memory

Start.

So here I am on the plane back to rainy singapore. Tears roll down my eyes each time I think about my grandma's final moments here on earth.

The feeling is just heart-wrenching. All my 24+ years of my life, she has in one way or another been taking care of me.

My fondest memory of my grandma is not a very pleasant one.

Rewind to the 90s, I was still in primary school then, only having just learnt what 'responsibility' was all about from cartoons on tv (amazing, what they show on tv in the early 90s).

My God-ma, who was rushing off for work, told me to keep her room door closed as she went to work. Me, being the obedient young boy I was, nodded in agreement. So, she left for work, leaving my grandma and I alone at home.

Rewind a little more, 3 couples stayed at my grandpa's house: grandpa and grandma, God-pa and God-ma, my dad and mum, and me, of cos.

Playback, there I was minding my own business, watching cartoons, when I noticed my grandma opening my God-ma's room door. So, I scurried over to where she was exclaiming,

"Why you open Auntie Cherry's (my God-ma's) room door?! She wants it closed!"

"I want to air the room." She replied.

"But Auntie Cherry wants to keep the door closed!" I strongly insisted.

"This is my house, I can open any door I want." She retorted.

"NO, this is Kong Kong's (grandpa's) house, this is NOT your house!" I 'smartly' replied and stormed off to watch my cartoons. Her face immediately changed and I think she threw a fit, not knowing how rebellious her eldest (and only grandchild) can be.

That night when everyone came home, my grandma re-enacted the whole scene and made a huge fuss and told everyone (my uncles and aunties, my extended family is quite huge) about what I said that the house was my grandpa's and not her's. (Which was a fact because I knew that the apartment belonged legally to my grandpa.) Being a primary school kid has its perks, not all of the primary schoolers are THAT ignorant you know.

Oh well, I had to face the music sooner or later from my parents, which eventually happened. Knowing that I was evidently right about whose house it was, I clearly didn't understand that I had hurt my grandma's pride quite a bit. Until today, my grandma's last day on earth, I still refuse to accept that it was her house also.

Stop.

And now, I regret every last bit of my righteous act. It has been too long, but I know that in her heart, she still loves me. And I, love her.

Thank You Lord, for taking my grandma to her true HOME to be together once again, after 10 long years, with my beloved grandpa.

I'll forever miss both of you.

I still cannot bear to think how strong I can be, when I am finally standing beside her coffin in about 5 hours. Chances are I would cry my tear ducts dry. Well, if I still have any tears left to pour out. People sitting adjacent to me in the plane now are giving me the "Why-is-this-young-man-crying-as-he-is-scribbling-on-his-pocket-pc" look.

I guess it's time to give it a rest and take a nap to recharge my bloodshot-eyes.

End.